38: 2001 Proton Impian

Unexpectedly brilliant. Bought cheaply from a trader as it was the only thing affordable within walking distance from my house on that day, and I needed a car that day. Was filthy, and had a few issues, now slightly cleaner, and has less issues. Flew through its MOT with grace and poise. Fun to rag about, and hopefully reliable enough, with its mitsubishi drive train. 


37: 2000 Citroen Xsara 1.4

Swapped it for my Felicia, and oh my god what a bag of shit. Nice enough car but it made a god awful noise from somewhere all the time, and then the headgasket went and it boiled over in the middle of Doncaster. Bridged.

36: 2000 Skoda Felicia 1.3 MPi

I loved the idea of this, but by the time I'd got it home (from Scotland) I realised it was absolute shit. Then the head gasket went, so I swapped it for a Xsara, and then the head gasket went on that too. Bonus.

35: 1996 VW Golf 1.6 CL

Not bad this. Shit enough to appeal, despite a few problems which I managed to fix. Needed more stuff doing in time, so I swapped it for a powder blue Skoda Felicia. MISTAKE.

34: 1992 Mercedes 230TE (W124)

Ah, der Panzer. Ace, apart from the fan only worked when the mood took it, and it used LOADS of fuel. Bought basically to collect a bunk bed won on ebay. 

Fuelly MPG link


Flickr set 

33: 2000 Citroen Saxo Desire 1.5D

1.5D Saxo. Quite frugal. Alas, was mostly fucked, from a suspension and steering pov. Swapped for a giant Merc.

32: 1996 Citroen ZX Elation 1.9 TD


In times of trouble: go with what you know. £300 shitter ZX TD. Was battered but ace. Can't remember why I got rid.

31: 1986 VW Golf Driver (LPG)

Wasn't bad, in theory. Suffered from having LPG thrust stright into a non-standard webber carb, with a K&N thingy sat on top, which meant it never ever got warm. Not helped by the previous owner wiring the electric rad fan with some electrical light flex, so that was always on as well. Didn't like it enough to get round to sorting it properly.

30: 1999 Vauxhall Vectra 1.8 SXi (LPG)

I bought this cos it was cheap, gas converted, looked nice, and everyone said Vectras were shite, so I figured I'd like it. 
WRONG. Absolute shit box, horrible in every respect, and hated every second I spent in it. Which unfortunately was quite a lot until I managed to move it on, roughly a day after the V5 in my name came through the post.

Flickr set 

29: 1996 Volvo V40 1.8 (LPG)

Was alright, this. In fact I can't remember why it went now.

28: 1999 Renault Clio 1.2 Grande (LPG)

Poverty spec Clio shitter. 1.2, paper thin, LPG converted. Ran on air. Was ace. Should have kept it, etc etc etc. You know the drill.

Flickr set 

27: 2000 VW Passat 1.8 20v (LPG)

Ran OK but the dash never worked and the suspension did the modern VW fall apart thing in a bit of a rush. LPG kit worked fine, it was mostly everything else that didn't. Fucking big shit-box.

26: 1998 Ford Mondeo 1.8 Verona (LPG)

What can you say? Bit saggy suspension, but apart from that just a bog standard Mundano that you could fill up at 50p a litre. Probably should have kept it.

25: 2000 Nissan Micra 1.0 Temptation

Bought new by my gran who only drove it once a week, then my mum had it after gran died but never drove it, then I had it just to give it some use. Should have kept it. Done less than 20k. Sold to best mate, who recently sold it on.

24: 1998 Ford Explorer 4.0 (LPG)

I fucking loved this. Every journey felt like I was Jack Bauer. It was shit, but it never broke down, and was sold on at a profit when I didn't really have room for it and 2 more sensible cars.

23: 1987 Saab 900i

One day I'll learn I don't actually like the "classic 900" all that much. Not yet though. This was boring, had nowt wrong with it and I never really drove it much.

22: 2000 Saab 9-3 T

This was fun. Chipped to fuck by a good friend with the right Saab-fettling equipment and knowledge, and with a snorty chav dump valve to scare elderlies with. Fucking ace, but couldn't afford to run it and needed money, so it went to a fellow saabist for £fuck all. I miss how mental it was, and how standard it looked. I don't really miss the way it went round corners though.

21: 2002 Citroen C5 HDi

Proper modern shitter. Hoped it'd be like a new posh Xantia, but actually I didn't really like it. Then the aux belt ate itself and yanked a couple of pulleys out of line and sheared the air con compresser off, so it went on eBay.

20: 1986 Saab 900 Tii

Quite a nice thing, this, bit rare too. I was hoping it'd be the old white one again, but it never quite felt right, and then the rear suspension went through it's mount and I was moving house and had nowhere to work on it and no time, so off it went.

19: 2002 Mazda6

Big family diesel. Not bad, but it leaked like a seive and was going rusty on the arches at 3 years old...

18: 2004 Seat Ibiza TDi

Woah! Eh? What's this? Spent more than I could afford on a super-frugal newish motor. Wasted on me really, but it went like shit of a stick, specially after it was chipped. Bought when I only needed a small car, so, of course, 3 months later I needed a big car again...

17: 1985 VW Polo 1.0

Bought for ex to learn to drive in, but never really made it that far. I fixed it up a bit, ragged about in it, then ended up scrapping it cos I couldn't give the fucker away. Doubtless it'd be worth ££££ now cos of shit old VW scene tax.

16: 2001 Saab 9-3 Tid

Ooh, look at me with my safe, modern, sensible vehicle. Basically bairn was on the way, so we wanted something uber safe and reliable. Didn't last, like, but I kept it ages for me. Maybe even more than a year. Was quite nice actually, and I still see it round town, gleaming and looking like new. Seems that posh paint sealant thing I used on it when I first had it has actually paid off. Bugger.

15: 1994 Citroen Xantia 1.9d LX

Proper mingebag spec non-turbo diesel Xantia. Was actually a very tidy, low mileage bus, and I should really have kept it, but hey ho.

14: 1992 Saab 9000 2.0T

Lovely barge. Bought it with moving house in mind, and it did the job admirably. Automatic + full turbo, which meant it was a hoot to rag about, but averaged no more than 18mpg. Had it a while as well. Spendy. Lovely though. My dad had 2 J reg 9000s in the early 90s (one brand new, the other a year old) so it ticked me a lot of boxes. I'd have another if I found a way to divining petrol from my garden or sommat.

13: 1978 Saab 99 Turbo

I don't like talking about this one either. Suffice to say I paid far too much for it, it was completely fucked, and although I did do my first ever head gasket change on it, and water pump, it was still completely fucked with rust.

12: 1997 Saab 900 turbo 8v


Not the best, but one of my favourite cars ever. Bought for under £100, ran for a year, sold at healthy profit when it failed it's test on loads of underneath rust. Manual boost control thingy fitted and played with. A hoot. Scared everyone who went in it. 225k when I bought it, 250k when I sold it, every mile of that featuring grin.


11: 1986 Ford Capri 2.8 injection

All these years on and I still don't like to talk about it. Bought from Leicester. Driven home - it turns out without any oil in. Blew up just short of Donnington Park services, from where it was towed to my house and never moved again in my ownership.

10: 1987 Saab 90

Not as tidy, and metallic. but it was free, so... Best remembered for causing mild outrage at a Saab owner's club Steam & Spares event where I drive there and back without an exhaust manifold gasket. Sounded like a fucked tractor racing a tiger tank.

9: 1987 Saab 90

Lovely thing, this. Rare too. Should never have sold it, etc, etc. Truth be told it failed it's test needing welding I couldn't afford, so it was moved on to someone who could afford it. I re-owned it again for a bit, but it never got the use it deserved.

8: 1987 Saab 900

Ultimate mingebag spec Saab 900. 8v carb. Keep fit windows. Brilliant car. Replaced the Capri. Went to Holland and back, amongst other ace journeys. Should have kept it.

7: 1996 Citroen ZX Elation


Yeah, another. Inherited from mother cos she never used it. 5 door. Crashed it three times, eventually it died.


6: 1976 Ford Capri II 'L'

Bought as a companion to the Black Capri, but never got the use it deserved. Criminally low milage (30k ish from new), but back end was mostly wob. Sold cos I got bored of it just sitting there.

5: 1986 Ford Capri 1.6 Laser

Oh god oh god oh god, it was such a beautiful car and I should have kept it forever.

Ah well. Bought for £700 from a bloke in Billaricay (iirc), was MINT beyond belief, and was eventually sold a few months after moving to Sheffield, where it couldn't cope with the speed bumps on my street. Healthy profit made, thanks to people deciding Capris were OMGRETROCOOL at some point not that long after I bought it.

4: 1996 Citroen ZX 1.4i Elation


Now we're talking. The car of my youth, did many miles and was ace. Sold to pay for my 1st Capri, which arguably defined my post-school teenage years.

3: 1972 Triumph Spitfire IV


I bought this basically because it was red, and therefore awesome. It also had a Dolly sprint engine in it, supposedly. What's the worst that could happen?

Unfortunately on closer inspection after a nightmare journey back from Plymouth to Hertfordshire, it transpired that it had no hood, and was mostly made of old copies of News of the World. The engine was OK, the rest was bobbins. Sold at an horrendous loss to a trader.

2: 1971 Triumph Spitfire III

Edit: 03/07/11 - I have unearthed this picture of the old green Spitfire. Best numberplate ever?
It was borderline ace, and I stupidly got rid of it in favour of a red Spitfire IV, which was a  bag of shit.

1: 1998 Citroen Saxo 1.1 sx

To my eternal shame, my first car was bought brand new, from North Herts Citroen in Letchworth.
This was thanks to Citroen giving away 2 years free insurance with new cars, which meant, for me at least, buying a brand new pink saxo was cheaper than buying and insuring a £300 escrot shitter, or similar. 

I had the last laugh, anyway, when I rammed it at speed into the back of a parked Peugeot 605. Eat that direct line.